You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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