is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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