At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
