Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
