I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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