what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
