I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
