and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
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