You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
