There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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