Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
