I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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