I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
