I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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