This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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