I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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