I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
