her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize