non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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