i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
