Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
