I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
