Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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