If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
