i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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