Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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