he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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