I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
