Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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