The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize