I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
