I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
