Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
