so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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