why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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