I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
