No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
