one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
