You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So apparently I’m into choking now
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