Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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