Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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