If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
