You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
