I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
