FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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