He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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