She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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