you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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