I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
