I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
