I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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