Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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