Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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