Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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