somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
