So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize