got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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