Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
