I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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