You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
