I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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