your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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