I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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