I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
