how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
