You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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