Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
