So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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