I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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