how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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