Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
