Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
