so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
