I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Life is so much better after having sex.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize