guys are not supposed to queef...right?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
