why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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