hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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