I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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