Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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