I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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