the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
