hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
