if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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