help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
