How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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