I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
