Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
