i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
