There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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