What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
