youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
