my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
