sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
