i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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