Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
