What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
