How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
