There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
