The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Drake has all the answers
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
