I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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